If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0 today. But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received $214. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon. Makes you proud to be an American!
Editor’s Note: The above post was sent in by a longtime friend of the publication who sometimes has her own troubles getting the beer from the car to the house. In summary, there were chilis and beer all over the place, but nothing had yet been consumed!
Have you noticed how people who love animals hate people? They leave their dogs’ excrement in other people’s yards. They let their pets jump all over anyone they meet. If anything is said, the person jumped on is at fault, not the dog owner who feels he is above the law and doesn’t need to have his dog on a leash or controlled. He feels his dog is more important than any mere human.
Hello. (Call ends abruptly.)
I have nothing against the police. Generally they do their jobs well, blocking traffic so that the church-goers on Elliot Road between Arizona Ave. and Alma School don’t have to wait so long while attempting to make a left turn, arriving at the scenes of accidents three at a time (to maximize productivity, I’m sure), and breaking up parties where everyone (for once) actually is 21+. It seems to me, however, that with all of these speed cameras going up on our freeways, red-light cameras going up on our streets, and solar powered speed signs... cops really aren’t going to be doing much. When I was a young girl I used to consider being a cop to be a pretty noble profession. But the only use I see for these brave men and women now is directing traffic, lifting up malfunctioning railroad blockades (Mesa Dr. before Baseline anyone?), and helping previously mentioned church-goers not have horrible accidents after a gracious morning of prayer. Last time I checked, orange traffic cones were pretty good at all of that... – Lauren Bratchner
I am so tired of the people of this country who are trying to do whatever it takes to scare us and divide us and shame us for voting for Obama. In your last issue, a writer dedicated an entire letter about Obama being an Arab-American. Why would he or anyone else make a big distinction about that? Because when you think of Arab, you think of terrorist. It’s a scare tactic that W. rode to a second term, that Hillary used for a brief moment in her campaign, and now the McCain supporters are going to use to get the “undecided” people to vote for McCain. Now they are going on calling Obama a Socialist. Ninety-five percent of the people who are calling Obama a Socialist don’t know what it is. They just assume it’s the same thing as a Communist, because we have been taught that Socialism is bad. (Socialism is a broad stroke of economic theories, not a government dictatorship.) This is not the 1950s, and there is no Sen. McCarthy. People can argue all you want about Obama’s ancestry. His dad is from Kenya (a democratic, free voting country on the continent of Africa), his mom is from Kansas, his maternal grandma now lives in Hawaii, and Obama was born on U.S. soil. Sounds American to me. This idea that we have to try to stir up American anti-Arab or terrorist feel for this man is disrespectful and divisive at best. These scare tactics worked for McCarthy in the 1950s, worked for W. after 9/11, and are still being used today. When do we stop using fear to keep everyone controlled, and start allowing Americans to use one thing that the Constitution guarantees all of us: our right to “freely” choose who we want to represent us? Without fear, or scare tactics. – Gus R.
Hi. My name is Lois (leaves last name). I’m calling about the Bogus Ad. It’s on page 27. It’s called “Skin Thickener.” (Caller laughs.) I don’t think there is such a thing. My phone number is (caller leaves Bogus Ad contest entry information).
Editor’s Note: You too can enter the Bogus Ad contest by calling our Sound Off line. Simply leave your full name and phone number, the name of the fake ad and the page on which it appears. You will then be entered into our monthly $100 drawing. See page 20 for more details.
Move over, C-SPAN. Gilbert’s Town Council meeting Tuesday was made-for-TV. The relaxed atmosphere of the meeting mixed with extensive official action turned a routine government exercise into a show. Before the meeting began, council members socialized with attendees they recognized from previous meetings or activities. Councilmember Linda Abbott eagerly passed out bookmarks to the audience advertising the Shop Gilbert campaign that cleverly read, “Put your money where your house is.” Once the meeting began, the lively mood held steady. Mayor Steve Berman joked that he couldn’t ask the invocation leader to remember the servicemen and women in his prayer because he was Berman’s pastor, and he couldn’t tell him what to do. When Vice Mayor Joan Krueger introduced the Boy Scouts who led the pledge of allegiance, she added, “Every week I remind people that I was not a boy scout, which is always a big surprise.” Berman showed he didn’t take himself too seriously when he tripped over his words and described two men he was presenting a plaque to as “highly paid” instead of “highly skilled.” “You two are paid what you’re worth,” he joked. Berman added to the animated atmosphere when he announced the results of the vote to amend the agenda. “And it’s all unanimous. I’ll be darned,” he said. Many of the council members poked fun at each other, and at the mayor and vice mayor. When Berman leaned too far left, away from his microphone, for the audience to hear, council member Dave Crozier jumped at the opportunity to satirize the situation. – Samantha Shomaker
Editor’s Note: The above submission was cut off due to its length. In case you’re wondering, it went on and on just like this for about 200 more words, documenting the meeting with no real point ever being made. Hey, it’s an open forum.
A recent e-mail writer felt that because Sen. Obama’s father was from a Muslim background he had to be an Arab. You corrected them saying geographically he was an African. Therefore African-American is an apt term for him. This is similar to the thinking of the McCain rally crazy lady. You could almost sense her struggle to come up with the term Muslim when she instead said Arab. There are Muslims all over the world, just as there are Christians. This means that logically they contain all races and nationalities. A belief system is a separate thing from a nationality, but apparently not in the mind of a bigoted xenophobe. Similarly, you can be ignorant but not bigoted, but you can’t be bigoted without being ignorant. – Alan S. Young
Yes, I’m calling and hope that this will appear in all the papers you have across the Valley. I’m calling about celebrities and their constant complaining about the paparazzi. First, I’ll say that of course no paparazzi should endanger the life of a celebrity, but after that’s clear I want to make it known that if you get into show business at any time in let’s just say the last 15 years, you know what’s going to happen. So especially these stars in the last 10 years or so, you know that the fame and fortune you want is gonna attract paparazzi, well, too bad. Okay, you want people to fall in love with you as an actor or actress and go see your movies, but as soon as they want to know something about your personal life or take your picture, you start crying like a baby. You know what? Go back to making 30 or 40 grand a year and shut your mouth, because if you don’t like it then get out of the career. That’s all.
I wonder just how much more abuse of power, mismanagement and misuse of county funds the voters in Maricopa County are willing to tolerate from Sheriff Joe Arpaio and County Attorney Andrew Thomas. In light of recent events alone, I am hopeful that the majority of voters have finally come to the only logical and ethical conclusion: They must be fired! Vote for Dan Saban for county sheriff and Tim Nelson for county attorney. We need a sheriff and a county attorney who work well with the other law-enforcement agencies in their jurisdiction, and Arpaio and Thomas are not those people. They are self-serving bullies, and they do not deserve to represent us. We have been very complacent over the years in this county, and we have neglected to stand up for our constitutional rights, and we have failed to hold our elected officials accountable for their actions. We have a governor, board of supervisors, lawmakers and judges who have let us down as well by bowing to the wishes and whims of these two self-serving individuals and not holding them accountable. None of this has lowered the crime rate because they are not being smart about crime, but they have created an atmosphere of hate and hostility that is unacceptable. It is incomprehensible to me that some normally sensible and intelligent individuals may actually still be considering casting their votes for the current sheriff and county attorney. – Kathy Laramee
Could you please correct my misspelling of the word Muslim. Thank you.
Editor’s Note: Already done. We will edit your e-mails for basic grammar on most occasions. The only time we don’t is when that which is written seems to give some insight into a contributor’s mental capacity – or lack thereof, of course.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0 today. But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received $214. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon. Makes you proud to be an American!
Editor’s Note: The above post was sent in by a longtime friend of the publication who sometimes has her own troubles getting the beer from the car to the house. In summary, there were chilis and beer all over the place, but nothing had yet been consumed!
I saw this question on a TV show recently. It reminded me of last month’s malaria rumor. The question was, “What is the deadliest creature, in terms of killing human beings, on the face of the earth?” The answer? Mosquitoes. And guess how they kill most of the over 2 million people they kill each year? Through the infectious disease malaria. Stick that in your rumor mill.
I am concerned because Proposition 202 is very, very misleading. It is titled “Stop Illegal Hiring.” One would think that this is intended to stop the hiring of illegal immigrants. But it is so cleverly worded because it does just the opposite. It exempts all the businesses that are known to be the primary employers of illegal immigrants and basically gives a pass to the higher-ups in the remaining businesses. It is funded by a group that has a vested interest in hiring illegal immigrants. The title was designed to be misleading, a technique that has become popular in our thirty-second sound bite culture. From previous elections we know that the majority of Arizona voters oppose the hiring of illegal immigrants, as our current laws do. Sheriff Joe recommends a No vote on 202. You should vote your conscience. I only hope you become fully informed before you vote.
You mention that if you want it in all issues to say it at the beginning of the message even though you didn’t print that, but I’m wondering if you really do that because I’ve gotten issues, like for example The Gilbert Times, and what I called in last month was not in that issue even though I said to put it in all issues. So anyhow, I do enjoy your paper, but I wanted to Sound Off about an e-mail that I recently received that wanted me to guess who the person was. It said the person was under 45 years of age, loved the outdoors, hunted, was a Republican reformer who had taken on the Republican Party and the establishment. Had a spot on the vice-presidential ticket and had less than two years in office as governor. With the election coming up, does this sound like Sarah Palin? Well, it could be, but in this case the answer was Theodore Roosevelt in 1900. Of course, we also link Teddy Roosevelt with Rough Riders, and he became our 26th president. I wonder if history will repeat itself. Everybody have a good day and don’t forget to vote. Bye.
Editor’s Note: We make every attempt to include all of the Sound Off submissions, and those asking to have their message printed in all the issues most often do get them published in the full circulation. We do have issues debuting at both the beginning and the middle of the month. Perhaps you were not looking at the same edition for each area. Regardless, thank you for your post.
